im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Two words: blizzard sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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