Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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