Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
