I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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