It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
