The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
