Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
