Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
