you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
operation harelip BJ is a go
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
