I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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