This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
just found out that she named her cat after me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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