the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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