I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's blow job season.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
