Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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