At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My bed smells like the plague
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
