two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
