i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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