Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
