She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
