Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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