I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
