My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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