Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
