Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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