jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
