Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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