she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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