Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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