On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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