If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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