before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
