Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
