She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
