I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
