The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
