glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
