Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
