Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
