They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
