Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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