i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
