Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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