That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
