I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
