Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
