38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
