He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
