So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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