Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
