Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
