i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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