So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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