There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
