i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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