Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
